Changes

Ah, yes..

Changes.

It can be such an ominous word

In the past month I have dealt with

Betrayal

Letting go

New beginnings

Working hard and never feeling like I do any better

Moving

New friends

Being daring

Sacrifice

A dear friend of 10 years asked me to be her bridesmaid of honor.

She and I had been planning it for a long time.

But when the time came, because I have followed my heart and not succumbed to religious pier pressure she  decided to retract it.

Because I wasn't pure enough for her wedding.

I thought about it for a long time, and what it came down to was this.
She is a people pleaser.

And she could please the most people by ditching me.

AND she didn't have the guts to say that I wasn't her best friend any more (which I thought she was, and then all the sudden after this altercation she is calling a different girl her best friend.)

WHY DON'T PEOPLE HAVE THE BALLS TO SAY STUFF TO YOUR FACE?

It's so frustrating, I have always said it to the face, because I respected and loved them enough to.

Seems like I give a lot, and every time I give my whole self, I get burned.

But I don't think it should be any other way.

How can I love unconditionally if I am always wary I will get hurt, and the answer is you can't.

However, 

to counteract the hurt, pain, and betrayal,

I am making new lovely friends.

I am loving my massage school and looking forward to succeeding there.

I have skills, and people who appreciate me FOR BEING ME. 

Not some false girl they think they like.

Life is changing again, and it is painful, but you don't get Roses without a few Pricks.

GRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Today I am feeling unaccountably grumpy..

I do not know why.. but I am

I am feeling useless and frustrated.. and I don't know why..

Maybe it's the weather..

maybe it's the fact that I feel restless

maybe I need to exert more energy

ARRRRRG!!!!

What might have been..

Sometime you wonder

Maybe if a different word had been said,

a different action taken,

a different thought crossing your mind..

What might have been ..

And one day

you JUST know

that that one possibility

has just passed you by

you can reverse engineer

and put together pieces

almost like you were looking at a book

of what might have been.

I see it as clearly as I see you

but I can't go back..

and so...

just have my thoughts

on what might have been.

Best Burger in the BOISE

Here... yes here...

13th St Pub and Grill

It's a wonderful place.

People of all ages are appropriate here.

They have a covered patio that is actually quite warm in the winter.

and open in the summer :)

Their Hyde Park Burger with added egg and bacon is THE BEST burger in the world.

you HAVE to add the bacon and egg.. it MAKES it..

(burger without bacon and egg.. it is not the best burger in the world!)

I went there last Sunday.. (yesterday)

after a hard couple hours of biking.. and LOVED it.. <3

Want a good family place with reasonable prices? GO HERE!!!

And as a side note..

FYI...

People will always be scared of what they don't know.

Like right now, I am in the midst of an interesting predicament..

I grew up 3rd out of now 11 children.

All in all it was an interesting experience

And by experience I mean, me growing up in a life that was anything but normal..

Money was always tight.. and I got into trouble.. LIKE EVER DAY..

I liked to speak my mind, like one time I went up to these old ladies and was like "smoking is bad for you.." (because IT IS.. this is what my family has always told me..) and guess what?

I got in trouble for speaking the truth..

Funny old world eh?

ANYHOW.. I am sure there will be much more of life crap to come up.. HOWEVER.. Right now I am dealing with .. THIS..

I am engaged.. and every one of the people I called my friends say:

They are worried about me.

They think this is the biggest mistake of my life.

They have stalked my man on FaceBook and are concerned by what they see.

They think I am settling.

They think I am bitter at the world, and this is me giving them the finger.

That I would be stuck with him in several years (there is an age gap).

That I am crazy.

That I am stupid.

And this all from people who I thought have been good friends.

And it hurts..

So to the people out there who are judging..

You don't know him.

You are simply afraid of how different he/our situation is.

How dare you make assumptions without even meeting the man..

He is a good man.

He and I match..

You, however, are rude, and obnoxious.. take a flying leap "friends"

Thank you.

Red

2 Books on the WAAAAAAAAAAY!!!

I couldn't help it.. dun dun duuuuuuuuuuuuunnnnnnnnn....

I have inquired and want to buy

This Book

Annnnnnnnnd This Book

Can't wait to start!!!!

The End of Mr. Y

If you haven't read this book you should..

The End of MR.Y

By Scarlett Thomas

One of the most unusual books I have ever read, it captivates you in ways that are... wait for it, unusual.. Not for younger readers, I would suggest 18+ simply because it has some adult themes in it as well as Quantum Theories.. Which I find fascinating..

The Story follows a young woman who's professor has gone missing, and it also on the search for a supposed cursed book.

It is fast becoming one of my favorites, and to anyone who has a "bigger picture" mind, this book will certainly captivate you as it has me.

All my love,

Red